Sunday, March 9, 2014

How to be Indian if You're Not (cont.)

So ju theenk ju are yindian now?

Random kid named Tom: Yeah buddy!
Well Tom...I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you're not yet.


1.Obsess over girls/boys:
 Like a white girl. Indians tend to set their standards really high, but in the end they always end up with that fat aunty. Basically, you may like Laura, however you always will end up with Sangeeta. Well since we are still school aged children, we can obsess over the beauty of white girls. Their personality, and physical body features. Mostly physical body features. So pick a white girl of your choice, and tell one person that you like her. The more out of your league the better. Then, tell one of your "trusted" indian friends, and he will tell the entire world. That's just perfection isn't it? So once the entire world knows, you have to throw a fit and plot revenge on your heavily "trusted" friend. Once you've got that down, you're almost Indian, but not quite. (Exact same thing for girls, but just replace the girl with an indian/white boy)

2. Lie:
When you were younger you were told to never lie. Well...since Indians are rebels we break that rule.
We lie when it comes to everything, but especially in the area of grades. The one honest indian feels stupid because all the others lie about their grades, even though that one honest kid did better. Don't be that honest kid! Indians hate the so called "Goodie-Two Shoes". I swear it'll get you pummeled, emotionally, and they MIGHT attempt to pummel you physically. Trust me, it never works. So here's a scale.
Regular: Lie

Test Grades:
Yeah you get the point.



130: 160
140: 170
150: 180
170:200 and so on

That's pretty much it as far as lying goes.

3. Cheat:

Do you ever wonder why Indians are so smart? Well they are smart, but they have the urge to cheat on their tests/quizzes/standardized tests. Even if they don't cheat they'll still end up with an A, but they are very hungry for the A+. So cheating is a big thing. It's kind of like a disease. If one person sees someone cheating, they'll start too. The only exception to this is if you are a goodie goodie -_- AKA THE SNITCH WHO EVERYONE HATES. Indians are the master cheaters. They pull off the job and never get caught. A couple methods include:

The well-known "gaze" around until your eyes land on someone's paper.

"Using the bathroom"

Keeping the study sheet in your desk

Taking a picture of the answer key

Holding up your paper, so that your friend can see your answers and confirm.

Walking up to the teacher so you can see the tests from the previous block laying on her desk while "Asking a question".

Texting while taking the test

Keeping your stuff under your desk with "No help in sight"


Well that's it for today. Cya!